about smoking.

A floating plastic ashtray, party apple red
standing around waiting to get drunk
keggers, college, house parties
waiting for the fun & games to start
three dead & dying cigarettes once aflame
pitta being smoldered
lungs not caring b/c they have no chance when up against the mind
corrosive habits
if I get cancer I’ll deal w/ it then
raspy voicebox Vocoder speech inflections
cancerous dark serrated tissues once pink and life-full
carrying oxygen tanks upstairs
no gratitude
no appreciation for the force that moves through the body, which keeps it alive
flirting w/ death
taunting death
cigarettes & inhalers
emergency trips to the ER
pneumonia in the dead of winter
no insurance
the slow agonizing suffering or the quick candle-flicker-out suffering
it’s suffering all the same
good now that she’s gone I can finally smoke in my house again
loose tobacco everywhere
ideas of quitting long since attempted & put off in a haphazard dance
it’s part of the ego formula of a coffeeshop-lovin’ artist
it’s part of the character
it’s all only character
been out of the bubble for so long haven’t had to or want to consider bubble implications
maybe just make the bubble pop so I can have another cigarette 
stress relief & tonka chief
it’s not about being right
it’s about being well, self-care
to rebel & be cool & strike a pose in more creative ways
to make a name for oneself w/out the standard props
this is what it is to have been a smoker
& to partner with one

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