Patagonia AZ, probably 2005.

Strange to live in a community where there is so much love, support & healing and still sometimes feel very much alone. Haven’t figured this out yet, and don’t plan to. Part of it is illusion of duality at times but there is more beyond this place, this episode of space. I like the aloneness, it’s something people can greatly benefit from, maybe, need to get used to — perhaps it comes from being an only child, being content on my own and exploring my own interests with limited distraction. Content with little, satisfied by simplicity. It can be simple, we make things difficult. Sometimes going w/ the flow means going w/ the dominant flow, what everyone else is doing, where they are. Resist & retreat. Went to Shabbat for the rituals (which are enjoyed) & left at 1/2-time, story hour. Why stay out of obligation? Why meditate for the sake of continued boredom? Then outside Oceananda’s door, gong music and experimental piano sounds, colorful origami shapes on the floor. The sides of me no one else sees, gets, wants to, brilliance creativity and openness that thrill my heart, silence after a day of having to externalize, more regenerating & supportive than thought to be possible, freedom to exist, and everything is fine.

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